With love being one of the strongest feelings that we can experience, I find that we don't address it that often. After watching the Netflix show Love on the Spectrum it has made me understand more about true human connection. When you watch two people interact with a disability that heavily affects their ability to communicate; It really stresses what makes people compatible. The show enlists the help of a relationship expert to try cover the basics of getting to know someone. One of the main topics that the relationship coach highlights is that people on the spectrum do not feel less of a need for human companionship. They want strong relationships just as much as the rest of us. This often spurs feelings of loneliness as they are often misunderstood by the bulk of society. A study done by the Redpath Centre states with people on the spectrum, only about 30% find a relationship and about 9% get married. Showing just how difficult it can be for people with the disorder.
I would be lying if I said that watching the interactions at first was a breeze. It is hard instinctively for us to experience what we deem uncomfortable social interactions. Where would cringe humor be without it? However, the more I watched the more of a sense I got of how honest they were portraying their emotions. They do not sugar coat things, they rarely talk to make the other person feel better, they can not read body language well relying entirely on conversation, and they do not keep up with interactions when they deem uncomfortable. They do not put up a facade but are entirely who they are regardless of the situation.
While we do not share the same problems with communication, it is none the less a big reason why many relationships fail. We rely too much on expecting the other person to know what we are feeling and what we expect without expressing it directly. Our perceptions on the situation can greatly influence its outcome. We may be too scared to ask or just assume that everyone is on the same page. Regardless, the more time that the relationship is built the harder it is to take when it breaks. People on the spectrum do not have an angle, they are not playing games. Every failed date on the show was addressed immediately and directly portraying exactly what they thought. Not to state that this was done in a harsh way; Majority of the time it was quite the opposite. They didn't lead each other on and many had gained friendships.
A big thing that I noticed was that their was not a huge pressure on physical appearance. Many introductions to the show participants had them explain their ideal partner; Of course, many of them did state that they want a beautiful woman or a muscular man. Regardless, It always ended on the note that they wanted someone caring and understanding of their situation. If someone can not understand who you are as a person, what chance do you have of keeping a strong partnership? Especially when it comes to the case of isolation for someone on the spectrum. The sentiment is just as applicable to any relationship. Everyone has a different outlook on life, different experiences and traumas. While, no two people are alike it is important to try to be empathetic to their nature.
Of course, recognizing this will only help so much with how we address our own relationship. Especially for woman, we are biologically prone to react to our situation primarily by emotion. While men, tend to find their stance quickly and approach it accordingly. It is important that we reflect on ourselves and the best way to get the outcome that both parties desire. Just another example of how important communication is. No dating advice, or relationship of any kind for that matter, will stray from straining it. We must try to keep an open mind with ourselves and others in our society. With everything that is going on in our current climate we need to be more accepting of our difference. I know this didn't follow our normal philosophical approach, but it gave me something to write about. As Rousseau believed, we are inherently good. Be kind; Few people strive to cause harm, and focus on understanding.
Side note: I made a mistake; My dear friend Julia covered love in her last post and arguably better than I did. Read it, you won't be disappointed. 😊
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